Concert Review: Star Wars in Concert, 7-17-10, Verizon Center

As geekfests go, one could do a hell of a lot worse than catching Star Wars in Concert. The name pretty much sums it up, but allow me to elucidate. Imagine a laser light show with a full symphonic orchestra playing against a backdrop of scenes from all three, grumble, "six" Star Wars flicks narrated as it went by none other than Anthony Daniels himself.

But wait, there's more! If you're willing to dole out a few additional ducats, you could get the extra special VIP jobbers that entitled the purchaser to a SPECIAL FREE TEE SHIRT AND BLANKET!!! i could pretend like that wasn't a big deal, but let's be honest with ourselves, of course, it was. i paid to get on the floor, but couldn't go that extra mile for the freebies myself. i'm pretty sure i could have beaten up most of the pre-teens who attended, so i probably could have walked with some free schwag of my own, but that would not have been very Jedi, now would it have been?

On top of the music, they also had a pretty decent traveling museum, filled with costumes and set pieces. Oh, and of course, more geeks in costume than you could shake a lightsaber at. You couldn't swing a dead tauntaun by the tail without hitting someone dressed up like a Sith. i could keep going with the aphorisms, but i think you get my drift.

My sole complaint was what i considered an over reliance on the first three movies. Seriously, they couldn't have focused on some of the more iconic moments? Well, that, and i'm almost positive that during one of the many montages, they showed Greedo shooting first. We get it, Lucas. You're not going to back down from the apocrypha, but does that mean you've got to keep shoving it down the zealots' throats?

Or is this just me exposing my inner nerd? i think the accompanying picture pretty much proves that's outer, kids.

May the Force be with you. Always.

mp3: Cantina Band 2 (John Williams from Star Wars - Figrin D'an And The Modal Nodes)

mp3: Mos Eisley Spaceport (James Hill from Ukulele Force: Star Wars Best Covers)

mp3: Fett's Vette (MC Chris from Life's a Bitch and I'm Her Pimp)

mp3: Luke's Advice (DJ Yoda and Mark Hamill from The Amazing Adventures Of DJ Yoda)

The Greatest Mixtape For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge You Will Ever Hear

This was going to be my birthday post, but then that damn blizzard hit, fucking up my entire schedule. Oh well, i made it to the Caps and the comic book store this past Friday, so the day wasn't an entire waste. For those of you that feel bad for me, go buy me this in honor of this post.

Today we're going to take a listen to a bunch of fucking tracks. i forget exactly from whose lips i first heard it, but it's amazing that the word for making love, arguably one of the highlights of being alive, also is the exact same word we use when we want to hurt someone terribly or show extreme displeasure. Thankfully, no one has ever said to me, "fuck you, that was the worst fucking fuck i've ever fucking had to fucking endure*," but such a sentence does begin to show just some of the many uses of every one's favorite F word.

i'm so interested in the art of words that i even recently bought The F Word. Actually, i bought it for someone else, but i plan on borrowing it back shortly. And let's face it, fuck is a good word. Sounds like the noise a racquetball makes when you throw it against the wall. Starts with a nice, soft "f" before slapping you with its "uck" at the end there. Is there anything that word can't do? Not that i'm fucking aware of, Fucko.

* Because i only have sex with illiterate foreigners who don't speak the language

mp3: Fuck and Run (Cassettes Won't Listen from the Interwebs)

mp3: Fuck Friend (Bitchee Bitchee Ya Ya Ya from their MySpace)

mp3: Fuck Her Gently (Tenacious D from TD @ Great Merican Music Hall, San Francisco 3/3/00)

mp3: Fuck Me in the Brain (Pearl Jam from Indio, California, 11/5/93 on their 1993 Xmas single)

mp3: Fuck or Die (Liz Phair from Yo Yo Buddy Yup Yup Word To Ya Muthuh)

mp3: Fuck Tha Police (Kevin Davis from The Jason Lamb Sessions 6/06)

mp3: Fuck the People (The Kills from the Black Sessions on 3/27/03)

mp3: Fuck Was I (Jenny Owen Youngs from Daytrotter Session - 6/30/09)

mp3: Fuck Wit Ya Head (KMD from Black Bastards)

mp3: Fuck Yall (Vandalyzm from Vandalyzm is Not the Father)

mp3: Fuck Yall Niggas (Monster Island Czars from Escape from Monsta Island)

mp3: Fuck You (Garfunkel & Oates from Music Songs)

mp3: Fuck You (The Knux from Fuck You EP)

mp3: Fuck Your Motherfucking Trucker Hat (Luckyiam from The Collectors Item)

mp3: Fucked Up Kid (Broken Social Scene Presents Kevin Drew from Spirit If...)

mp3: Fuckin' Up My Christmas (MC Chris from Life's a Bitch and I'm Her Pimp)

mp3: Fuk Yuh's New Technique (Badly Dubbed Kung-Fu Dialogue)

The Greatest Inappropriate for a Workplace Xmas Party Mix You Will Ever Hear

So today's mix theme is hysterectomies.

Actually, i am totally fucking with you. A hysterectomy mix. Jebus, can you imagine? Yipes.

i do, however, have a mix in mind. Here it is, nearly halfway through December, and i haven't put together one Christmas Mix for you cats. (Yes, i do say Christmas--not Holiday or Seasonal. Look, i'm about as agnostic as they come, but if the early Christians went to all that trouble to rip off the pagans in their efforts to destroy the older religion, well then, by gum, it's their damn holiday, and they get to call the shots. Fair is fair, after all. And co-opting is for the birds.)

After much prodding, my lazy ass got around to making an Xmas Mix for the Missus' office party. The only "rule" i was given was to keep it clean enough for the post-party clean-up. i thought i did a pretty good job, with only one "maybe not" song on there. Of course, the mix consequently was played in front of some Veep, who then admonished the Missus, who then let me know what was what.

Note to readers: As kick ass a song as it is, Fairytale of New York by the Pogues apparently isn't "appropriate for a workplace environment." Go figure.

It is with the above in mind that i bring to you The Greatest Inappropriate for a Workplace Xmas Party Mix You Will Ever Hear. My stars and garters, you are some lucky bastards.

mp3: Clark Griswold's Christmas Wish (Chevy Chase from Christmas Vacation)

What better way to kick things off than this heartfelt wish for the true meaning of Christmas.

mp3: Evergreen (MC Chris from Eating's Not Cheating)

I could have gone with a couple of different tracks by my personal favorite pint-sized rapper, but this one seemed to work best. Sure, he's talking about, you know, the reefer, but he's Christmas-ed it up by using Xmas foliage as a metaphor. Which was nice of him.

mp3: Give the Jew Girls Toys (Sarah Silverman from Jesus is Magic)

i'll be honest, i didn't care for many of the songs on this otherwise hilarious CD, but what's not to love about a Hebron sister's plea for her share of the Xmas loot? Plus, it encompasses my favorite part of religion--quaint dismissal of all other religions. Gods bless us, everyone!

mp3: Don't Eat the Yellow Snow (Frank Zappa from Apostrophe ('))

Not technically Christmas specific, but it's certainly winter-y enough to make the list. Plus, everyone needs a bit more Zappa in their daily diet. Anyway, some people find this song to be gross. Personally, i think it's just good advice.

mp3: Nicholas Was... (Neil Gaiman from Warning: Contains Language)

i've probably mentioned it before, but Neil is one of my top three favorite current writers. There's nothing particularly "inappropriate" about this spoken word piece at all. But it is kind of creepy as hell. You certainly wouldn't want to play this at any party with young kids present, though, i'm pretty sure of that.

mp3: Santa Claus is Smoking Reefer (Squirrel Nut Zippers from Sold Out)

This is actually a "hidden" track on the album. Why do bands do that? It's not hidden at all, jack, you're just making me sit through some indeterminate period of silence before the pay-off. Pretty selfish if you ask me, dog. Just saying. Anyway, even though it's kind of old-timey jazz, most employers don't like pot tracks. Bastards.

mp3: A Pimp's Christmas Song (Snoop Dogg from Christmas in the Dogghouse)

Dude, it's a Christmas song by Snoop Dogg. Do the math.

mp3: Mrs. Claus' Kimono (Drive-By Truckers from The Fine Print)

An elf's plan to bang Santa's Old Lady. Monkey bless the U.S. of A.

mp3: Millie Pulled a Pistol on Santa (De La Soul from De La Soul is Dead)

You'd think this would have everything an office Xmas track would need--rape, incest and murder. Well, i guess that depends entirely on where you work. i could have gone with the Roots cover here, as it's arguably an even creepier version, but i'm down with De La. What can i say?

mp3: Fairytale of New York (The Pogues from If I Should Fall From Grace From God)

i'm fairly confident this was the verse that didn't sit well with the Veep:

You're a bum

You're a punk

You're an old slut on junk

Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

You scumbag, you maggot

You cheap lousy faggot

Happy Christmas your arse

I pray God it's our last

i fucking love my Mc Brethern.