My fellow Americans, as I'm sure you are already well aware (it's on my calendar, I can tell you that), today is a day to celebrate a piece of real, honest-to-apple-pie American-ness: the birth of Stephen Colbert.
Yes, friends, May 13th, while not yet the national holiday truly required by such a momentous occasion, is in fact the day Mr. Stephen Tyrone Colbert first opened his eyes to the iniquities and problems of the world. Appropriately, Colbert was born in DC, the city he has mocked so enchantingly over the years.
I think you'll agree, when it comes to noteworthy Americans, Stephen Colbert is right up there. His skillful skewering, adept acrimony, and charming censure are natural treasures just as much as the shining monuments erected to honor our forefathers. So please, join me in celebrating the birth of one of the nation's most important contemporary figures. Happy Birthday, Stephen.
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